Things that change things

This is about 4 blog posts in one because...I have been very busy...starting things and not finishing them

Since being back home from holiday, I have spent far too much time hibernating, avoiding things, procrastinating , twitching a lot and anxietying all over the place...

It is so easy to slip back Into old habits .

 So,  decided to shake it up a bit and break the mould ...enough is enough... I am young and free and have 3 months of freedom, being well and creative , witthout the responsibility of a job, i may never get is sort of free time again. 

So i am not afraid to go out, because quite frankly that is a waste of life. 

I have been geting out in the sunshine (lovely weather) and even done a couple of train journeys.

I like the train.

Here is a not so great pic of Neddy and Salvador cruising London. LONDON!

, 

I did some painting with flo... Artist in the making ...She said this is a picture of a snake and a dinosaur. I like it.

I have a summer project with the title 'these things change things' so have been thinking a lot about different things that change things.

So far I have written many lists and mind mappeded the many things that change things, only to reach the conclusion that every thing changes everything. I also started a few sketchbooks and couldnt get going because everything i did seemed rubbish, but just gotta get on with it now, none of this perfectionism nonsense. It really holds you back. 

I think every choice we make, every word we say every action we do changes something, for better or worse. The world is always changing. all things and all people and all of everything changes absolutely everything.  Deep.

So this frees me up to do whatever artings take me fancy. Even just making a mark on a page changes it, it changes depending on what material you use, what paper, what shape, how many marks, how big. you an change something by the way you draw it, what perspective, how much light is on it, just looking at it differently. You can change anything by doing anything.

Today I went to boscombe  to sarahs arty studio and drew a shell in lots of different ways, I used a feather and a oil pastel and did some dots and some lines. I tried drawing it without looking at it and just feeling it and this made some cool pictures and shapes.

I like drawing like this.

for things that change things i like the idea of how little random acts of kindness can change things. Wise Hollie randomly gave me this delightful bunch of flowers.....

and I changed from grumpy to surprised and contented...

Do i drew the flowers. 

I thought I might be able to change the world with some post it notes to cheer people up. So I went out in the sunshine an stuck little messages around Dorchester. 

Little flo my best lil friend from nextdoor helped me out

I was thinking of making a book of affirmations for my project, with the idea that saying these positive things brings hope and niceness. So been trying today nice things to myself, even if it feels like I'm lying... But fake it til you make it?

I'm going to play around with colour and the way words are written and images to go with them. I'm also doing lots of cutting and sticking and layering to play with texture using lots of different materials, and things laying around. I am recycling lots of crap that has piled up on my craft shelf and all the little torn up bits of paper I keep. I collected all the scraps of things on my floor which are now in a box for a project. There might be a couple of dead moths in there too, I like them because they are furry.

Tidying up changes things. I felt like i didn't know where to start wih artings because everything was so untidy... now i have organised all my paper into colour coordinated folders and put all my littletiny  things into jars. Now I have space to work. Here is a before and after of my space to do artings.

Messy

Tidy

I put it on a shelf. Now I have lots of space to mess it up again, yippee!

Moments that make life worthwhile

Happiness.

I had one of those moments when you feel so small and humble and happy to be alive. You know when you get overwhelmed and don't know if to laugh or cry jut that feeling of life filling you up. And everything makes so much sense but nothing really makes sense and you wander what life is all about.

But I am so happy to be alive and I feel so lucky.

Having spent the last week in sunny Spain with lovely family and doggys, I have been feeling so much more happy and chilled than in ages.

Maybe I appreciate it because it has taken a long time for me to be able to enjoy things again and feel real and here and living. Now i love the sun shining and seeing new sights and meeting new people,  And it is so good to finally be free from all that bad stuff, and I appreciate my family so much more after all that time of feeling so alone and isolating myself, and people telling me to stay away and taking away my choices when they just have no idea ... But anyway I'm just so glad to be free from it all now.

Life out of depression is amazing, and being in control of my life and going out and doing things and all these new experiences are so exciting.

Yesterday I had the most amazing experience, Could not stop smiling!!! We went to a nature park, gorgeous animals at the zoo, and You won't believe this, .... That's me in the pool with my cousin Lou , my stepfather greg and, Wilbur the Sea Lion... I swam with a SEA LION!

When he gave me a kiss and a cuddle I did not want to let him go.. He properly wrapped his flippers around me and smooched my face.  It was so sincere and loving. I love him.  was the best moment ever , moments like this make all the struggle so worth it.

On the way home after such a brilliant day, the sky was lit up as the sun set over the mountains. The sky took my breath away, all orange and pink and illuminating the mountains. It looked like there were two suns, the sun going down behind us but the sky burning bright infront of us...I've never seen anything like it. 

I took some pictures. These are completely unedited, 

isn't that amazing?

Whilst my cuz and mum were singing along to ELO and The Beatles in the car, (which I do mostly like to join in with) but was madly trying to capture the moment and thinking about the meaning of life and thought I could see heaven, I felt all weird and spiritual. Then I was just IN the moment and stopped wondering what it was all about, and just felt so happy and peaceful and alive, and happy to be right there right then.

Then there was some thunder and lighting , proper rumbles and bolts in the sky. I tried to catch it on my camera but couldn't get it.

I  have had my camera out almost every waking moment and am running out of storage space, but everything just seems so worth capturing

I like these moments when all your little problems are so insignificant....you realise the world is so incredible and big and unpredictable and lots of other stupendous words that I can't think of right now, but it just makes you go  WOW, I am lucky , and my life is freakin cool.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that I am inspired by nature and life and family, and I think I should get out like this more. I also really want a sea lion, and one of those tiny monkeys.

I'm going home tomorrow, back to my lonesome flat and probably the rain and too much pyjama wearing. But I am awake an alive and cant wait for all the experiences that life has in store, and not scared to try new things. Ok I'm a bit nervous, too many feelings.

Although excited, i am a little bit scared of going home and the long time I have off to occupy myself. My moods scare me that they can change so rapidly and having plunged from manic to the depths of despair before I am always a little afraid when I feel really happy, but I shouldn't be should i. 

.

Just got to take each moment as it comes and live it, fully. Not scared. Things are finally making so much sense! So glad to be able to spend time with my family again, and to be in control of my life. I don't believe in god but if I did would be thanking him right now.

I just feel like everything is gong to be ok.

:-)

http://gifboom.com/x/ecaf3582

Haha

Nice moves Stonhill

http://gifboom.com/x/91528a15

Bromance

Neddy found himself a companion!!! 

meet Salvador Verde.... He wears an emerald necklace . He only speaks Spanish but they have struck up a rather lovely friendship.

LOL

Just scrolled through videos on my phone and found this gem. Check out my art school buddies doing the chacha in my kitchen. Hannah is innocently washing up after a failed cupcake attempt, whilst there is a party of tea towel bustin moves going down. Makes me laugh!!! With thanks to charley and Harry, don't give up your day jobs.

Slightly obsessed with videos and animations now, especially since grasping Youtube. 

If you are my friend you are no longer safe , apologies.

Ned's Adventures

6seconds of spanish life

Got an itch there chester?!

Parrots

I took some lovely photos at the zoo yesterday , and edited these two parrots kissing to make some lovely pics. i think this image would be great repeated on a wallpaper. I love their rainbow colours.

Wild West

Today we saw some cowboys, some cancan girls and some exotic animals. Neddy made some friends in the desert.

This little monkey was very interested in Ned, he even gave him a kiss!

Spain

Me and my George!

Glorious sunshine and gorgeous doggys.

My old boy George, big white Chester and floppy mouth barney puppy at mum & Greg's beautiful villa in Spain with cousin Lou.

View from garden...

sunset over mountains

Neddy and Sangria

Siesta

Luigi is Chestnut's new best friend

Us and the boys

And this scruffy little stray randomer who joned us for dinner

Summer holidays :-)

Off to espan~a in approx 3 hours....

Bag packed, have a brand new polka dot swim coz, even painted toenails.... bring on the sun shine!

Even have time to write a little blog.

Cannot wait to see my mamma! 

Hav done 5 or 6 pages in new project book and managed to lose it already........it is cute and miniature. this is a regular problem with my love of miniature things. Think neddy has stolen it... He has his backpack and mini passport too, all ready to go.

Awaiting my lil cousin Loulie who is coming too, and driving us to the airport. She has just passed her driving test and said she still needs reminding to stop at a red light and which way to go round a roundabout. Thus could be an interesting journey.

Gonna hunt for my boook. Though maybe i should leave it here as it makes me unsociable, and according to mum we have a fun-packed schedule for the next week. Just spoke to her and she says George and the boys have jst been brushed and are looking dapper ready for our arrival.
I expect they will be all scruffy again by the time we get there!

Enjoy England suckkerrrrrsssss. Will upload soe sunny pics. 

Lovings xx

Work?

Didnt think i would ever suggest this off my own willingness.. Maybe i should get a job?

Has the time actually come where i should rejoin with society and venture into the scary world of the employed? 

I think i am probably normal enough and adequately funtioning now... 

Damnit.

According to my medical note I am allowed to work in 'permitted work'  for 16 hours a week.

I think permitted means no drug dealing or prostitution or anything.

This would pass the time yeah? i dont mean the drug dealing..... 

I think i could handle stacking shelves or sitting on a till or something.

My jeremy kyle days are well and truly over.... 

Im getting so brave.....

Luv u Jezza

A whole year

Can't believe how fast it's gone... ?? Completed my first year already!!! How did that happen?

Have come a long way and worked very hard....

Now on a loong summer holiday and back in September

Am a little sad as I will miss doing my studenty thing ..... What to do now??
It's nice to have a break after lots of hard work, and it has been exhausting...but how am I goin to occupy myself for 3 months?!!! That's like ages.

I'm already a little bit fed up, it's only been 2 days.

Just eaten half a pack of custard creams to pass the time. Feeling a bit sick :-(

Luckily we have a summer project to keep busy with, which i may have already started, and I have a few arty things lined up helping people out with stuff in Bournemouth.

And tomorrow I am off to sunny Spain for 10 days, so it will be lovely to see my ma and the three doggys.

So I am packing a bag and trying to clean my very messy flat that looks more like an art studio, so that I don't have to come home to this mess. Maybe it will take me all summer to tidy up?

What I am mostly planning to do this summer is keep drawing, keep being sociable, and go out and enjoy the sunshine. Was worried I might want to retreat to my bed for 3 months but that would jut be silly, and I'm not a cat lady anymore ..
But I did feel suddenly really tired after coming home and realising I have no schedule now... And I keep having naps, and yes I'm in my dressing gown and slippers, and its beautifully sunny outside.

am sort of considering getting a new kitten . That would keep me entertained and I really miss those furry cuddles and getting woken up with claws in my face.

Would this be a step backwards?

Need to tidy up first anyways.

Sunny Spain tomoro ...yay!
. Then only 82 days to keep happy and busy before I can return to my studies, which keep me occupied from all the other things in life and in my head that I prefer to not think about.

Like I said I have a few things planned and things to do so ther is really nothing to worry about. So i need to stop worrying.

Brain, please shut up.
Must go pack

Appy olidays evrybody

Oh Last day i even got a prize for all my hard work, check out my enormous pencil..... Cool ?