Moments that make life worthwhile

Happiness.

I had one of those moments when you feel so small and humble and happy to be alive. You know when you get overwhelmed and don't know if to laugh or cry jut that feeling of life filling you up. And everything makes so much sense but nothing really makes sense and you wander what life is all about.

But I am so happy to be alive and I feel so lucky.

Having spent the last week in sunny Spain with lovely family and doggys, I have been feeling so much more happy and chilled than in ages.

Maybe I appreciate it because it has taken a long time for me to be able to enjoy things again and feel real and here and living. Now i love the sun shining and seeing new sights and meeting new people,  And it is so good to finally be free from all that bad stuff, and I appreciate my family so much more after all that time of feeling so alone and isolating myself, and people telling me to stay away and taking away my choices when they just have no idea ... But anyway I'm just so glad to be free from it all now.

Life out of depression is amazing, and being in control of my life and going out and doing things and all these new experiences are so exciting.

Yesterday I had the most amazing experience, Could not stop smiling!!! We went to a nature park, gorgeous animals at the zoo, and You won't believe this, .... That's me in the pool with my cousin Lou , my stepfather greg and, Wilbur the Sea Lion... I swam with a SEA LION!

When he gave me a kiss and a cuddle I did not want to let him go.. He properly wrapped his flippers around me and smooched my face.  It was so sincere and loving. I love him.  was the best moment ever , moments like this make all the struggle so worth it.

On the way home after such a brilliant day, the sky was lit up as the sun set over the mountains. The sky took my breath away, all orange and pink and illuminating the mountains. It looked like there were two suns, the sun going down behind us but the sky burning bright infront of us...I've never seen anything like it. 

I took some pictures. These are completely unedited, 

isn't that amazing?

Whilst my cuz and mum were singing along to ELO and The Beatles in the car, (which I do mostly like to join in with) but was madly trying to capture the moment and thinking about the meaning of life and thought I could see heaven, I felt all weird and spiritual. Then I was just IN the moment and stopped wondering what it was all about, and just felt so happy and peaceful and alive, and happy to be right there right then.

Then there was some thunder and lighting , proper rumbles and bolts in the sky. I tried to catch it on my camera but couldn't get it.

I  have had my camera out almost every waking moment and am running out of storage space, but everything just seems so worth capturing

I like these moments when all your little problems are so insignificant....you realise the world is so incredible and big and unpredictable and lots of other stupendous words that I can't think of right now, but it just makes you go  WOW, I am lucky , and my life is freakin cool.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that I am inspired by nature and life and family, and I think I should get out like this more. I also really want a sea lion, and one of those tiny monkeys.

I'm going home tomorrow, back to my lonesome flat and probably the rain and too much pyjama wearing. But I am awake an alive and cant wait for all the experiences that life has in store, and not scared to try new things. Ok I'm a bit nervous, too many feelings.

Although excited, i am a little bit scared of going home and the long time I have off to occupy myself. My moods scare me that they can change so rapidly and having plunged from manic to the depths of despair before I am always a little afraid when I feel really happy, but I shouldn't be should i. 

.

Just got to take each moment as it comes and live it, fully. Not scared. Things are finally making so much sense! So glad to be able to spend time with my family again, and to be in control of my life. I don't believe in god but if I did would be thanking him right now.

I just feel like everything is gong to be ok.

:-)

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